Someone shit on the floor
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
