i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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