I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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