If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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