do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
