i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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