I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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