you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
