Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
