Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
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Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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