At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
