oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
