so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
