hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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