FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
