Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
