Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
