Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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