Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
