don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
