Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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