People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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