never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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