you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
