what if every blade of grass was a penis?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
