There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
it glows. i had to have it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
