Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
