So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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