My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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