i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
