I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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