i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
