Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
