im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
