How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
