and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize