Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
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I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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