I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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