Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
