what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize