I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
