U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
