Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
