Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Sober January is a disaster.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
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My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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