A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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