I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
