Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize