Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
