**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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