at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
