i barfeds in our rink
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
