god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I bet he comes in French.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
