Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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