But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
