take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its not stalking. its research.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
