Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
