And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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