what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
