Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
