just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
