I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
