You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its liver damage thursday
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