Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well you can't waste a boner
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I supernannyed him into submission
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
