Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
