im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
