i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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