Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
