Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
